Shall I share a secret? Kitchen utensils what do they make you think of Thanksgiving Day, family gatherings? Do you know what they remind me of ? The time I almost plunged a carving knife through the palm of my hand to see if I could hit an artery when I was 14 years old. Such a large thought for such a small child.
Train whistles in the distance at night. Memories of traveling to places unseen, NYC and the Worlds Fair. For me I think of the time when I almost jumped in front of one while I was so depressed that I could think of no other way to stop the pain. Fortunately or unfortunately a man I never knew made a comment to bring me back from the brink.
All of these reminders of my years when I thought ending my life would end the pain. When medications did not work or worked inadequately . The years I popped my pills by handfuls wishing I would not live to see the daylight and waking up disappointted to see the sunshine.
All of these thoughts revisit me when I am depressed still, only now after horror stories of attempted suicides gone wrong. told to me by wise doctors and therapists, stop me and have for the past 20 years.
So that is one of my secrets. I have many many more, maybe I will share again with you.
By Wena
The confessions of people suffering from mental illness and their challanges in life
