Mania

Mania

Mania what an unusal thing Why do I love to hate it
I can not even explain it The doctors do not even know what it feels like
My mother died in 1999 shortly after my Grandmother died a few years before both my Father and my Stepgrandfather died When all of this occured I was already on disability for years due to my Bipolar disorder

I remember my mothers death a prime example of emotions reversed In all of the grief I had taken care of my mother after a cancer operation I remember clearly but will never know the reason why I experienced a severe manic episode and went on an intense employment search Twenty interviews were arranged and I managed to go to all and was told by the interviewers that I presented myself very welll and was a fine candidate for the position but as suddenly as it came I crashed into a deep depression I failed to take any positions or even follow through and call to tell them I could not take the job

I deflated like a pricked balloon

This is such a sad sad illness to cauase so much destruction to your emotional state and in this example your guilt is something you have to live with everyday I grieve still and will probably never forget but I have almost forgiven myself for something that I can never explain or understand


Please do not pity me I did the best that I could do I realize that now and I know deep in my soul that she never blamed me

I talk to her now and have learned or am trying to seek advice from her still
Small accomplishment are not easy but are always a beginning

Actually 10 yrs ago I could never had said that another accomplishment late but always will stay with me